I failed as a teacher

Yesterday I visited my local evil government house of mail (a.k.a., the post office).  While waiting in line, I overheard a young boy behind me asking his mom, “But I don’t understand how DNA works.  I don’t get it.”  I glanced back and smiled at him and his mom, impressed that a boy that looked so young would know anything about DNA.  His mother explained patiently that she didn’t know and advised him to ask a science teacher. 

Cue the superhero music!  Science teacher to the rescuuuuue! 

I boldly turned around again with my brightest smile, proclaiming, “I’m a science teacher!” 

The boy, not impressed, asked, “Are you a scientist or a science teacher?”  (At this point I’m sure someone with acute vision could see my ego deflate just a bit.)

“I’m a science teacher.  Is that ok?”

“Well, I guess.  My science teacher really loves science.  She has all sorts of weird stuff in her room.  Like, she loves science.”

“Oh, that’s cool.  How old are you?”

“Nine.”

“Go ahead,” said Mom.  “Ask her your question.”

At this point I was prepared to explain that our bodies are made of lots of teeny tiny cells, and inside each one is a chemical called DNA that tells the cell what to do.  Instead, the question I got was much more specific. “Ok, how does the DNA say if you’re a boy or a girl?  I don’t get it!”

Instantly, since I teach high schoolers, images of sperm cells, egg cells, chromosomes, and so on go tumbling through my mind, and all I can think of is sexual reproduction.  My jaw drops a little bit. 

“Um,” I stutter to Mom, “I’m not sure how to explain that to a 9 year old.”

Teacher humor: Kids Are Quick

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER:   Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA:     Here it is.
TEACHER:  Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS:        Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:         You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN:       K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’ .
TEACHER:  No, that’s wrong.
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:  What are you talking about?
DONALD:     Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
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TEACHER:  Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE:     Me!
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TEACHER:  Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER:    Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE:         I is…
TEACHER:    No, Millie…Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE:         All right…’I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’     

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TEACHER:   George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS:     Because George still had the axe in his hand.   
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:     No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER:    Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE :       No, sir. It’s the same dog.
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TEACHER:     Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:   A teacher.